Bullies are they born or made?

As a child, I was terrified of everything.  If I could have lived with the chooks in the back yard I would have.  They understood me.  I could talk to them for hours and they would nod their heads in agreement.

But of course, I had to be educated, clothed and fed so trips to school, back to the family home, to friends big and small, to town, to ballet lessons etc etc had to be endured.

The time when I met bullies were in my working life.  Authority, a huge fear to accommodate. Despite all my tools of EFT, Catherine Ponder affirmation, swallowing selenium my great love water, I still get the butterflies in the guts syndrome when having to face authority and the unknown.

Now as my 70th birthday approaches at the end of the year (oh wow doesn’t time hike) I look at the advice I would have given my small self.

If you want to hide with the chooks that’s okay but when you get hungry what happens then?  There is only a certain amount of apples and bananas you can eat in a day.  Your diet will have to be varied.  What about having a shower.  You don’t like being unclean, do you?  What about toilet stops?  What about that wonderful book by enid Blyton that has just been returned at the library and you have your name down for it?

So my little person how are we going to manage all the tasks that lay ahead of you?

Staying with the chooks is really not an option.

IMG_2238WIN_20170412_11_15_29_Pro I doubt if you could find the gun that you posed with as your adoptive Dad had them locked away.  And you can hardly lift the gun let alone shoot it.  There would be a lot of people to shoot.  A lot of blood. You don’t like blood.  Remember when you fell over and broke your tooth?  All that blood.  Yuk!

MMMMM so what do we do.  You have a lot of living to do.

Actually, on thinking about the lost opportunities in my life I have a revelation:  I can blame my wooseyness for not being an achiever.  Or can I.  That’s another EFT to look at.  What have I achieved, what do I want to achieve especially now I am looking for a job and nobody wants to pay me. I am a has been that never was anyway.  Oh dear tangent time.

 

 

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Anxiety Busters-Deepak Chopra & Mantra

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Anxiety Busters-When all else fails

Find the triggers to your anxiety.

eg. Sad News, Argumentative people. Confrontations. Watching sad movies. Watching world news on tv. What are the triggers?

AND what I think is so important – not eating.

It is known that gut health is so important.

What have you eaten today?  Is there anything that seems to give you a gut ache or make you more ‘windy’ than usual.

Keep a journal of what you eat-also note the moon phases-is there part of the month that makes you feel better or worse?

Analysing and researching yourself is very interesting. Let you be the guinea pig.

Healthy foods that should be kind to your gut-unless you have allergies-these are suggestions-not a given-you know your body-make healthy decisions.

Bananas, Fish, grains, fruit, lots of organic veges – you know already.

To help you through the day.

 

 

 

 

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Anxiety Busters-Bell Birds & Cheery Souls

Humiliated. Screamed at. Degraded and embarrassed  All in the last three weeks.

options:

Wail like a baby, swear like a trouper, kill like a hitman, cower in a corner or turn the other cheek or kick ‘ass’.

I wailed, swore, cowered turned the other cheek and ordered a g l o c k. No I didn’t order arms as I think life is far more difficult to realise than passing over.

I actually managed to overcome the humiliation degradation and embarrassment but when I got screamed at in front of other people I took it very hard. I felt like crap!!

But then I heard a bellbird- The beautiful song of this bird who could at any moment get eaten or more than likely mauled by my cat. I was so thrilled I heard & seen this lovely bird, my spirits began to lift.

‘Then I had a conversation with this very cheery soul who was such a delight to be talking to this wonderful person.  Thank you amazing person.  How glad I am to know you.

SO when you feel as though you have been demeaned-find your favourite peron and have a laugh.

A point to remember:

If you are feeling vulnerable, assoles seem to find you and poke your soft belly-lie low for a little while, grab your teddy bear and other mates binge watch your fave tv shows or watch movies.  Be aware that you are vulnerable.  Analyse your vulnerability.  what brought it on?

My vulnerable moments are when I hear sad news.  I only remembered too late why I was such a woose and let others poke me in my soft belly.

MY MATES who like watching Gone with the wind & Blacklist

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Anxiety Busters-Snub the snubber

Interesting.  Was snubbed by a young person whom I thought we had a good rapport. Questions.

Will I dwell and wonder why & go though every conversation we have had in the past

Will I spend sleepless nights wondering what I have done that is so bad?

Will I buy flowers & say I am sorry for something that I have no idea what it is?

Will I ask a friend of hers what the matter is?

Will I consult my best friend and ask advise.

Nup Nup Nup to all of these although I will discuss with my best friend.

I will not frequent the place where I usually see her as she is not the friendly person I thought she was.  She is really only an acquaintance so I will not spend my energy on her.

Now!! I must point out that this person is just an acquaintance as mentioned. I do not socialise with her, she is not a member of family. So I can choose to walk away which I will.

If this person was a close friend or member of family I would confront her and ask what is wrong.

 

SO!!! we have a choice-sbub the snubber if she is an acquaintance.  Persue for an answer if family or close mate.

 

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Anxiety Busters-Bullies in the Workplace

When in the workplace I have always enjoyed the job I have been doing.  It is the people I have had to work with that have been the problem.

When you find yourself drowning amongst the negativity, GET OUT OF THE SITUATION!!

Of course, this isn’t always feasible. You have bills to pay.  You find it hard to get another job.  Going through the process of complaining and putting a harassment file is stressful.  What do you do?  Every situation is different but in some ways the same.

You must advise your team leader.  If it is your team leader giving you grief advise the Human Resources department.  Apply for Mental Health time off from management.

Keep a diary of when the harassment occurs(time place & date)  and type of bullying.

Talk with a friend-not a colleague as they will have a biased viewpoint.

Ask a family member to go with you to your Manager or Human Resources Department.

Write down a conversation you would have with the bully. e.g

I feel that the way you are talking to me is inappropriate.  I feel harassed and I will be taking the matter to Human Resources.  (Have a list of concerns)

I feel you are constantly putting me down in front of others.

I feel and can appreciate if we are not compatible as our personalities are very different.

I do not wish to have a confrontation but I would appreciate it if you could realise your negative actions towards me.

When the bully makes a statement-write it down in front of her/him

record the time date

Tell the bully you want the harassment resolved-if she/he can’t communicate with you it would be better if she/he sends a proxy.  Otherwise, suggest you go straight to Human Resources.

NB (I am not a professional mental health counseller-these suggestions are from my own experiences)

https://www.netsafe.org.nz/bullying-abuse-support/

https://www.employment.govt.nz/resolving-problems/types-of-problems/bullying-harassment-and-discrimination/

Anxiety | Free call or text 1737 | 1737.org.nz‎

24 hour service

 

https://www.mentalhealth.org.nz/get-help/in-crisis/helplines/

 

Where to go for advice and help

WorkSafe WorkSafe has several tools to help PCBUs(external link) (a person conducting a business or undertaking) eliminate bullying. These include its good practice guidelines to Preventing and Responding to Bullying at work Guide(external link)’, and its ‘Bullying Prevention Toolbox(external link)’.
MBIE MBIE provides a free mediation service to any employee or employer. This can be used to address bullying, or issues related to bullying.
Personal grievance Where mediation or informal talks have not been able to resolve any issues, you may want to consider raising a personal grievances.

Under the Employment Relations Act an employee has 90 days, from when the action occurred, to raise this personal grievance claim.

Find more information on personal grievance here.

Employment Relations Act If health and safety issues are part of a personal grievance, the Authority can and does deal with those matters in terms of the Employment Relations Act as implied terms of an employment agreement.
Employment court If you’re unhappy with the ERA decision, you can challenge it in the Employment Court.

No captionI haven’t read it but listened to Radio New Zealand podcast with author & Jesse Mulligan-interesting worth a listen-the erratic behaviour of a broken-hearted person is similar to a person who is coming off addictive drugs

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Anxiety Busters-Write Words

Translating your thoughts and emotions into words on paper is comforting. Even if you do it only once in a while, even if you do not try too hard to give your words a specific form. The same is true for the act of reading — it brings a quietude that is calming and fulfilling. […]

via In Praise of Written Words — boy with a hat

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Anxiety Busters-My Words

Translating your thoughts and emotions into words on paper is comforting. Even if you do it only once in a while, even if you do not try too hard to give your words a specific form. The same is true for the act of reading — it brings a quietude that is calming and fulfilling. […]

via In Praise of Written Words — boy with a hat

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